Friday, October 23, 2009
2.5 hours of laundry at the outside sink bring sunburned calves and shoulders, as well as a refreshed spirit after Greg Boyd’s Animate series sermons. Making agua soldis (our all natural water filtration system) provides a chance to be with friends outside. Cleaning the floor brings a cool feel to a normally dusty red concrete. A bucket bath is always refreshing, as it either brings cooling water to calm my hot skin or warm water to soothe a cold body. The life here is simple, without a lot of chemicals or machines, and I like it so much. Purpose is more obvious, though I have been so overwhelmed lately that I have lost sight of myself and my purpose. I don’t want to go back home yet, though the time is drawing near. I am afraid of my old self, afraid of getting lost in the materialism, expectations, and loneliness, of being in a world of options without a string tying me to anything in particular. This life at CEC no longer holds purpose for me in that I am not teaching my students or the CEC students, but it’s purpose remains in drawing me closer to God. I know I can have that anywhere, and that is such a treasure I cling to as I consider going back to the U.S. Admittedly, it is a treasure I fear losing in the chaos of the U.S. I am riding a fine line, going back and forth between trusting God with me and my future and worrying that the struggles ahead will overshadow all the good, who I have become, and who I want to be in the future.
Posted by Bethany at 7:22 PM